Every day, a marriage or a relationship falls apart. Sometimes we can point to the reason why: he cheated, she lied, he’s irresponsible, she’s too high-maintenance. Sometimes, though, a relationship falls apart and we don’t know why. We think it must be our fault, that we chose the wrong partner and our incompatibility was the cause for the failure. What if finding out that two important principles of love will improve every relationship you will ever have? What if your relationship all boils down to two important things: speaking the same love language with each other, and understanding where you are within the five stages of love?
Speaking the Same Love Language
If you don’t know what a love language is, then this book is for you. Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts[1] explains how different people love and interpret love in different ways.
Falling in love is easy, but staying in love takes work and communication. Amid the demands, conflicts, and just plain boredom of everyday life, it’s important to keep your love fresh and your relationship alive.
Dr. Gary Chapman found that in the same way that some people speak different languages, all people have different interpretations for love and therefore they express their love in different ways. This can lead to conflicts if we are not speaking the same love language with each other.
By learning the languages (which he defines as words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch), we can learn how to give our partner what they need. Whether it be regular praise, gifts, doing chores, or physical touch, speaking the same language with each other will keep the relationship alive during tough times.
Understanding the 5 Stages of Love: Why Too Many Stop at Stage 3
We all know that relationships have stages. In the beginning, everything is seen through rose colored glasses. Nothing can go wrong during this “honeymoon” stage when grievances are easily forgiven or overlooked.
Later on in the relationship, we become disillusioned and things begin to feel bad. We feel unloved and less cared for. We feel trapped and we want to escape. Many see this stage as the end. They go through a grieving process and begin to look for love again, thinking they have made a mistake in compatibility with the previous partner.
What most people don’t realize is that Stage 3 is actually the beginning for achieving real, lasting love.[2]
The stages are defined as:
Stage 1: Falling In Love
Stage 2: Becoming a Couple
Stage 3: Disillusionment
Stage 4: Creating Real, Lasting Love
Stage 5: Using the Power of Two to Change the World
In order to move past stage 3, you need to get to the core of what causes your discomfort, pain, and conflict. Your relationship can become the source of helping each other by really understanding who your partner is and helping to heal their wounds. This activity of healing together will bring your relationship closer together than ever and create a lasting, life-long love.
Once you can learn to overcome the differences between you and your partner, you will find real, lasting love in your relationships. Why stop with the relationship between two people, why not work together to apply that love to the world? This last stage allows you to feel full of possibility and spread the love.
So before you end the relationship, think about these two crucial principles of love and relationships. Maybe it’s not a problem of compatibility, maybe the issue is the language you’re speaking together or moving through the disillusionment stage together.
Reference
| [1] | ^ | Amazon.com: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts |
| [2] | ^ | Men Alive: The 5 Stages of Love: Why Too Many Stop at Stage 3 |
