I was falling asleep and suddenly… “BANG BANG BANG”…
Loud noise from neighbourhood…it was 2 am!
It has been a tough day and I just wanted to sleep well!
Why do you have to disturb me? Tell me why…
Filled with anger, I found it even harder to fall asleep…
And I know sometimes anger just makes the situation worse, as there are a lot of consequences…
Anger is associated with type 2 diabetes
According to an article in the Journal of Medicine and Life in 2010, anger can have a direct impact upon cardiovascular diseases. [1] Not only that, scientists also associated it with the type 2 diabetes and many other diseases that many of us are not aware of. One thing not to forget though is, unhealthy habits like smoking, taking drugs or simply eating too much, resulting in obesity might also be possible when one is too angry that they would like to take a little ‘escape’ for comfort by doing those unhealthy habits or by eating.
Anger makes you have less interaction with others
The reason why anger could lead to obesity lies on the negative effects anger has on our mental health. Anger is linked with, by many scientists in their studies, depression. When being angry, we often want to isolate ourselves from people in which we will then have little interaction, and this in long term can cause depression.
Should I just let it all hang out?
If anger is not good for our health, but why do people say it is good to “Let it All Hang Out?’’, is this even true?
The answer from psychologists is a big NO. This is actually a very dangerous myth that some of us use as an excuse to hurt one another. Research [2] supported those psychologists as it is shown that letting out of our anger, in fact, escalates our anger and aggression.
Instead of being angry at the other, it’s better for you to see how to let go of anger and keep yourself calm and peaceful.
How to let go of anger
Write down your experience on a paper
Study finds that writing down feelings does make us feel better.[3]
Apart from feelings, it’s good to record every detail. Why? It’s tiring. When you spend so much efforts to narrate the story and record all the details, at first you may be very enthusiastic but gradually you’ll want to end it as soon as possible. This is a very effective way to make yourself move on naturally.
Things to include are:
- What happened? When? What? Why? Who? Where?
- Why made you particularly angry?
- What are both of your reactions?
When you finish, glance at it once, then tear the paper into pieces. It’ll like trashing your anger!
One time I was angry with my mom and I wrote 3 pages. When I finally finished the moment I tore the paper I just laughed (it felt so good!). And my mom looked at me with a puzzled face.
Give yourself 24 hours before you react
When you’re angry, it’s hard not to react immediately.
I know how it feels…You just really want to make a counter argument and get the upper hand again…
But if the person doesn’t care, it’s nonsense to explain to him/her. If the person cares like they’re your loved ones, when you react at once, quite likely you’ll say something inappropriate. It would become an even bigger disaster then.
One great tip a quora user [4]shared is to give yourself 24 hours before you react.
She said “To remember to give yourself 24 hours before you react. If something bothers you, angers you, hurts you or disturbs you, remember you’re not in a normal frame of mind, being put in an extreme situation. Stay calm, silent and aloof for 24 hours before you voice your opinion/act or react. If it still bothers you after 24 hours, speak about it maturely.
You’ll be surprised at how many relationships you’ll save by not being impulsive in the heat of the moment. When you can do this, you’re wise enough.”
Really angry now? Set an alarm for yourself and deal with it 24 hours later. Meanwhile make yourself busy with things you’ve been wanting to do for so long but haven’t yet.
How to make yourself less likely to get angry in future
Great books that will make you a calmer person
The Forgiving Life: A Pathway to Overcoming Resentment and Creating a Legacy of Love (APA Lifetools)
Instead of telling you how not to get hurt in life, this book teaches you step-by-step the way to learn to forgive about the painful things and awful people that had happened in your life. By learning to forgive will you be able to learn again, how to love and just like the title, create a legacy of love in your life for your familes, your friends and possibly for the world to feel.
Forgiveness is a Choice: A Step-by-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope
Written by the same author, this book shows you how forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the forgiven and introduces you different stages in the forgiving process with examples from children of divorced parents to parents of murdered children. This book might especially be good for those who have tried but failed in forgiving before.
What to Do When Your Temper Flares: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Problems With Anger
Managing our emotions should actually be learned in a younger age in life and this book provides you and your kid the guide to deal with their anger and what to do when one is angry. This is a perfect book for parents who want to but think it is hard to teach their kids the way to deal with their anger and to explain how overcoming problems with anger will not work.
Meditation
Mediation is a great way to calm your emotions including anger. But it takes time to practice before you can master the skills. You can learn more about how to meditate with this article.
Reference
| [1] | ^ | NCBI: Anger and health risk behaviors |
| [2] | ^ | American Psychological Association: Controlling anger before it controls you |
| [3] | ^ | Science 2.0: Writing Down Feelings Really Does Make Us Feel Better, Study Says |
| [4] | ^ | Quora: What is the highest form of intelligence? |
