Why It's Difficult To Love People Who Don't Love Themselves

It can be very difficult to love people who don’t love themselves. When you love someone, you want to tell them how amazing they are, but often people who don’t love themselves struggle to hear compliments. They will push the compliments away, and this can be painful for the other person to experience.

When you are in love, you want your partner to love themselves as much as you love them. Here are five reasons why it is difficult to love people who don’t love themselves.

1. It Can Make Communication Difficult

Conversations can become difficult if you are in love with a person who doesn’t love them-self, as they can read into what you are saying too much and assume the worst. This can be frustrating, but it is normally just them projecting their own inadequacies onto their partner. For example, you might compliment a smart idea that they had and they will take this as a patronizing comment or a lie. This makes them defensive, even though you were being honest and kind.

2. It Is Hard To Care For Someone Who Doesn’t Care For Themselves

Over time, it can become frustrating to love someone who doesn’t love them-self. If you say anything nice to them, such as “you look nice today,” they will immediately insult themselves, saying “No I don’t – I feel really ugly today.” This is frustrating because you spend time and energy trying to make them smile and it never has the intended effect.

3. People Who Don’t Love Themselves Can Become Overly Dependent

If your partner often feels sad and down, they may start to rely on you to cheer them up. While this is normal in small amounts, it is unhealthy to rely on only one person for happiness. It can also result in them becoming clingy or dependent, as they are worried that you will leave them and then their "happiness" will be gone.

4. It Is Frustrating To Be With Someone Who Rejects Your Help

If you love someone who doesn’t love them-self, you will try to help them start because it is difficult to watch someone you love suffer. However, their self-loathing existed before they knew you, and often they will reject your help. This can be difficult, as you know that they could choose to take your help, but they won’t.

5. It Can Destroy The Trust In The Relationship

People who don’t love themselves don’t understand why other people love them; they worry that their partner will "realize" that they are difficult and break up with them. This can make it difficult to establish a trusting bond, as one person is permanently worried that the other person will leave.

What Should You Do If You Love Someone Who Doesn’t Love Them-self?

If you love someone who doesn’t love them-self, it is normally a good indicator that you are a caring and loving person. You enjoy helping others, which is why you weren’t initially put off by their self-loathing. If you believe that you can help your partner, sit down with them and have a conversation about helping them to love them-self. If they are willing to work on their problems, you can still have a happy and fulfilling relationship.

However, if you feel tired and drained by the relationship, it is probably an unhealthy relationship. In this case, it is unlikely that your partner will change. Ask yourself these questions: Do I truly believe that my partner will change? Are they aware that I am unhappy? Do they care?

Don’t sacrifice your own happiness for someone who is going to be unhappy either way. Remember that you are not responsible for them; they are, and you are responsible for yourself.