When I Understand Happily Ever After Doesn't Exist, I Start To Understand Love

Have you been having a hard time with love lately? Maybe you’re wondering where the spark in your relationship went or why your last relationship ended so badly. If you’re like most of us, you’ve probably been hoping for the perfect relationship. The one without any disagreement, the one that’s all smiles and laughs and hugs and kisses.

You’ve been hoping for this because that’s what you’ve been told to expect. Do you remember all those fairy tales you read as a child? Remember how they all ended with, “and they lived happily ever after”? Well, guess what? That just wasn’t true. We were all lied to. Let that sink in for a minute.

If you’ve been waiting for your happily ever after and it just isn’t coming, there’s an explanation. Keep reading…

“Happily Ever After doesn’t exist..."

Romantic relationships are not magically fairy tales with happily ever after endings. And if you go into a relationship with this idea, you’re setting yourself up for failure. That’s because the idea of romance and love changes the longer you’re together. Lots of people think that this changing romance signals the end of the relationship, but that simply isn’t true.

For example, Mark Manson asked for relationship advice from couples who had been happily married for 10 years or longer. One of the respondents, Paula, had this to say: “You are absolutely not going to be absolutely gaga over each other every single day for the rest of your lives… You’re even going to wake up some morning and think, “Ugh, you’re still here….” She goes on to say that sticking through this feeling is important because it’s only temporary. Some days you’ll be hit with so much love for your partner that you won’t know how to react. And that kind of love continues to grow over time. ^[1]

Remember, nothing is perfect. All the irrational love you felt at the beginning of your relationship will wear off and become something different. True love is having the confidence that you can make mistakes and be an imperfect human and at the end of the day, you and your partner still choose each other.

"True love is choosing to accept someone even if you can't fully understand them." - A Beautiful Mind

Don’t be confused. Just because you accept your partner and all of their faults doesn’t mean that you fully understand them. And they almost certainly do not fully understand you. But, none of this matters because you have chosen this person as your life partner. Accepting this person and making this choice doesn’t come out of need, but rather out of want. You choose to be with this person because you genuinely like and respect them.

“Life isn’t always romantic. Sometimes it’s realistic.” - Ezra Fitz, Pretty Little Liars

If you are in a relationship for the happily ever after, you are robbing yourself of the opportunity to know true, unconditional love. True love is making a conscious decision to be committed to just one person. It happens when your commitment is not dependent on your present situation in life. You know that this person will not always make you happy and the opposite is also true. But, this is the person that will be there for you when life gets difficult and who will rely on you in turn. There is no happily ever after and the moment you accept that, you will begin to understand what love really is. Unconditional love is difficult, especially when the butterflies in your stomach disappear. In fact, as Mark Manson puts it, “It’s unglamorous.” ^[2] Despite this, true love brings meaning and happiness to your life.